A few years ago, I wrote about how I was once asked if I was totally fear-less. After pausing for a moment to bat away the guilt that I wasn’t I replied; no, and I doubt I ever will be, or want to be. Being fear-less is not about never having fear, that would be dangerous, we have to emotion as a warning. What being fear-less meant to me was not being limited, silenced or driven by fear.
It’s been a while since that day. Truth is, though there are many things I have gone for that have pushed through fear, my mindset has slipped and I find myself limiting, silencing and driven by that which I sought to overcome. The last year, in many ways has been painful, no not 2020 but the literal last 12 months for me. I had to make painful decisions and I felt more than I have ever felt; and yet through it all the presence of God was with me and working through me.
“I knew I wanted to roar and roar some more”
As 2019 drew to a close, I fell in love with a character. I had been cast as the Lion in The Wizard of Oz. While my heart was making painful decisions, it was also learning to roar and beat witches, journey with friends and find that bravery might actually be there, even though we don’t see it. I miss that old lion.
“Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labour on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and you will delight in the richest of fare.” Isaiah 55
Then of course 2020 came with a lot of fear-inducing talk. I switched off, and for a while switched firmly onto his frequency, and fear had little power. The I just switched off. I began to connect and look for ‘food & strength” in that which doesn’t satisfy. I disconnected, not completely but enough. Like in the scene with the poppies, where the lion just gets tired, I closed my eyes and slept. Thank goodness for the scarecrow who realises, it’s a trick to stop the friends getting to their destination. As they awake, a green light floods the stage and they see their destination ahead of them. Clarity has come.
Autumn Adventure
As autumn approaches with its crunchy leaves, turning colours, winds and rain; it also brings for me the promise of a new adventure. Throughout summer, God kept talking with me about how I was created, that I am made for adventure but have been limited. I even went on some walking adventures with him where he physically showed me both my original heart, and the way I can find myself limited. As September ends, I am beginning a new adventure which will take me up to Christmas, and I hope to take this blog on the journey with me.
Enter Stage Left
I am made for adventure, and yet I often find myself limited, silenced or driven by fear. Perfect love drives out fear, and I have access to perfect love and am perfectly loved. This is a journey of letting His love empower me once again.
This morning I was listening to our Sunday message and Pete was talking about fear holding us back. As Pete spoke about fear, hope posed a question in my mind. What if, what I know about the stage could change my mindset here. I know one area of fear that has limited me is around speaking about Jesus and sharing the daily things He does and how the Holy Spirit guides me. If asked directly, of course, but sharing in normal daily chat, I feel silenced. Pete was talking about the pressure and fear we put upon ourselves (at about 15 mins).
On opening night, the young girl playing Dorothy told me she was scared, scared to go on stage and do what I knew she was incredibly capable of doing. She asked if I was and I said No, because I flip it. I know physically I have all the elements of anxiety, I go to the toilet a million times, I feel jittery, my teeth are on edge but, here’s the difference, I tell myself it is excitement and it is essential for me to perform well. I allow the behaviours because they are part of the journey.
So I want to encourage myself (for this new adventure I am about to begin) and for you, if you resonate with what Pete says about not taking a step because of fear – flip it. Yes you feel fearful ‘feelings’ but why not flip it. Allow ourselves to be perfectly loved and begin to tell our minds, this is not fear, rather excitement about what God is about to do.
Hope for troubled hearts
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