Well it’s been a long break! I wasn’t expecting to write much (being the back end of a pantomime cow took up most of February!) but nothing? It’s not that I haven’t wanted to write, it’s just not been the season for me, I’m learning my limits – slowly!
I have however, been looking at the book of Esther. Not a book I am normally drawn to but I was asked to speak at a youth event on Esther and I thought it best to get to know her!
Honestly, I think Esther and I, we are very different people. I kept reading the story over and over trying to find some connections, something relatable but the more I read the more confused and unrelatable I felt. This is so unusual for me, I can normally find something that draws me to someone or connects me to them. Perhaps Esther and I need to go for coffee or a glass of wine!
What I have come to realise is that it is ok that I don’t get Esther, God hasn’t made me Esther, He has made me Lou and He has a totally unique story for me… but that is for another time!
What felt most frustrating at the time, was this; here I am trying to think of something to say, something for these young people to relate to and I can’t even get there myself! So I gave up. I gave up trying to find something, trying to make it relateable, trying to connect with a culture I don’t understand.
In the giving up, my heart connected.
In the giving up, I was able to say “God I can’t do this, I don’t understand and I don’t connect, and I feel like the worst speaker ever, and I’m going to let everyone down and please just give me permission to cancel.”
In the giving up, I glimpsed a message.
What grew in my heart, before the rest of the message became words, was this: Esther, once an orphan but now a Queen, has to wait for permission to enter King Xerces throne room. If she doesn’t, she is likely to be put to death.
What a stark contrast to what Jesus has given us. We do not come to the throne room of a ferocious King who may kill us if we walk in, or make a request. Instead we come to a gracious King, who took us from being an orphan and gave us royal status and who encourages to bring all requests to Him. Who did not do it because we had become pure of beautiful for him (as Esther had to do with 12 months of beauty treatments) but instead because He loved us. Who won’t banish us or remove our status if we disobey, but instead pour out grace and mercy on us. Who always has the door open for us and is always calling our name, who is always asking us to step closer to Him.
What a reason to gather together tomorrow and praise him!
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