I decided to make the most of the afternoon sunshine and write. I made a decision to write every week this month, no matter how inspired I feel. It’s not like I don’t have ideas, I have notebooks full of them and a mind that swirls with thoughts! Allowing one of them to settle on my heart is the discipline I need to learn. I chose to go for a photo walk before I wrote, just to capture the moments that inspire me as I wandered the back routes of Luddenham & Oare. Many of my photos have come out blurred – trying to capture a natural moment accompanied by the summer ‘breeze’ is not my forte! Still some have stayed on my camera roll, ones that captured my joy & peace as I walked. An hour and a half later, I am sat at my outdoor desk, with a partially blurry camera roll of thoughts in my mind, but some are coming through clearer
Hope
I think I want to pick up on last weeks ending. I spoke about hope, how I believe I have a gift of unshakeable hope. Hope is always about the unseen, the not yet. sometimes I find myself living too much in the vision of what is to come rather than draw on the strength of hope; that though it is not yet here, it is to come. Living in the vision rather than the strengthening can lead to disappointment and a discontent with what now is.
Holiday
A couple of weeks ago, I received an email informing me that my much hoped for holiday was now cancelled due to Covid-19 measures. Whilst part of me felt a relief, both in a decision made and in personal concern, another part of me felt sad. I don’t think I acknowledged that. A few days later, I had a particularly tearful day. At first I was unsure of why. Perhaps it was the weather, or had I eaten too much bread? Could it be my sugar levels? (To be fair, my blood sugar has been all over the place throughout lockdown – anyone else relate?)
Eventually, and possibly even into the following week it occurred to me, that although these external triggers could have added to my sadness, what actually was at the core was a loss of hope. For the whole of lockdown, when I was told to completely isolate and to now choosing to be more withdrawn, there was this glimmer of hope. The hope of a holiday in the sun.
If you know me well, you know getting out of England is important to me. I realise this is a privilege, one I have worked towards having, it was not always this way. For me, the joy of packing, airports and the biggest decisions of my week being what flavour of ice cream to eat or which book to read, are a priority. It is how I reconnect fully with my soul. I refresh. I realign. I re-embrace life, discovering new places with new people, resting in guaranteed sunshine, someone else cooking for me (and cleaning it away!). Finding joy, finding peace, on a grander scale.
The truth is, this year I will have to find new ways to do this. I also need to orient my soul to remember that holidays are a gift and a privilege and they are not my only source of joy or peace. I have already made one change, and there is an autumn adventure, but that means that there definitely needs to be a summer of rest.
Hope is not in a holiday, neither are joy and peace, though they are a place where these can be found. Instead hope is found in the one who created the beautiful views and sunshine I crave. Joy is found in knowing Jesus, Peace is found in letting him govern me. I am learning how true this is. Summer will come, and I will need to plan, or it will be over too soon – so I appreciate any thoughts on how I can make best of this summers week off.
Maybe it is not holiday you are placing your hope in, it is certainly not the only place I have allowed it to rest. I encourage you, look beyond the gift, the dream, the plan and instead to the one who is unshakeable and is the source of all our needs.
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